On the Balls of Our A$$ets

The element of surprise can be a good thing - when it pertains to birthdays, winning lottery tickets and diamonds. In relation to a job interview - not so much. Tuesday, I trekked to what seemed to be one of the most crowded parts of Manhattan for a job interview, pushing my deodorant beyond all limits of common sense. I dodged confused and tired-looking tourists, running in a dress and Birkenstocks, finally reaching my destination with 10 minutes to spare - ample time to change into the bone-crushing heels dangling from my purse. This followed an hour's drive and a 40-minute search for on-street parking in an attempt to avoid a pricey lot that would require me to pickpocket the elderly or school children if I ever wanted to see my car again. Allow me to backtrack for moment so I can share how I landed this coveted interview... I've been doing a lot of reading lately-mainly to break up the crying and reality TV viewing-and I keep happening upon articles that say if you w

I can't help it. Every time I try to liken this extended, heartbreaking job search to something, my comparison is always the same. Dating.  I keep hearing the anguished cry of    Sex & the City 's Charlotte York :  "I've been dating since I was 15! I'm exhausted! Where is he?"  and want to echo it with my own frustrated variation:  "I've been job hunting since August! I'm exhausted! Where is my new career?" Not only are quests for love and employment both tedious, they can also make you slightly nuts. Lately I've been experiencing those irrational "My phone must not be working because surely he'd have called me by now, right??" feelings that plagued me decades ago. But thanks to email, texts, and voicemail I can no longer delude myself that it is technology's fault no one is getting in touch to say they can't live without me. (I am checking my spam folder like a maniac only to discover my Russian bride awai

There seem to be different schools of thought on the subject of salary and at what point during the job interview process it's acceptable to discuss compensation. During my recent job search, I've read multiple times that it's considered gauche to ask a potential employer about salary too soon. In an article featured on The Ladders , Marc Cenedella likens early interviews to first dates and equates asking how much you'll be making to leaning in for a random first kiss too early. It'll blow your chances, he says. But, as employers increasingly ask for more (i.e.  What's your theme song? ) on their applications, one can't help but wonder, how much time do I want to invest if ultimately I could make the same wage ringing up organic tampons and quinoa cakes at my local Whole Foods? If you're asking me to send you three story pitches, critique your website and link to multiple examples of the outstanding use of UCG before we've even met, I want to k

Ok, he's not really crying - not yet - that was just a nod to the often-hilarious Twitter feed Reasons My Son Is Crying . (Recently turned into a book--way to make lemonade out of lemons, Greg Pembroke!) So, while my husband isn't crying, he's definitely on the verge of a full-blown temper tantrum. He's pacing from room to room with a puss on, as my grandmother would say. From his scowl, one can only imagine he's debating between pulling out his hair and punching a wall in frustration. Our mutual job search seems to be happening in dog years and the apparent success of our peers is taking its toll. Remember when I mentioned that he arrived late to the social media party ? Well, he's been making up for lost time by connecting with just about everyone he's ever met on LinkedIn. And, man, that is not working out the way CEO Jeff Weiner probably intended. Leaving his attic perch where he's been "networking" on the computer, my husband comes s

So, I just wanted to share some of the wacky things I've experienced since my appearance on "The Chew" aired a few weeks ago. A couple of my enterprising aunts have suggested that I attempt to parlay my 15 minutes of fame into a new career. "You should try to get a car commercial next," my mom's sister said. (Yes, it does sound more like an idea my 8 year old might share). "Maybe something like the Toyota Camry? I think that probably pays a lot."   Sure, that seems like a natural progression, right? From cooking show contestant to auto commercials in just two short weeks! Sign me up! While I'm at it, maybe I could replace Vanna White? Another aunt recommended that if all else fails ( and it seems like it has ) maybe I could find work as a hand model, because, get this, my hands look so "natural." Well, I'd hope so, they are my hands . Though, honestly, the likelihood of my having any success at this is about the same as