On the Balls of Our A$$ets

While typically my inbox brims with rejection emails, several weeks ago I received a message that began with the word "Congratulations!"  Thrilled to see that salutation instead of the usual: "We're sorry, but we just don't think..." I was elated before I'd even identified the sender. (I'm at a place where if you congratulate me on anything from wearing a clean shirt to not stepping on my cat, I'll  graciously  accept and momentarily glow with pride.)  But before I got my hopes up too high, I realized it could be another  "Congratulations! You've been selected to attend our 'Combatting Female Baldness & Vaginal Dryness During Menopause' seminar!" email, so, naturally, I had to table my enthusiasm temporarily until I'd read further. But, it turned out, it was, in fact, good news. My application to attend a small writing conference in Italy this July had been accepted. I read the email in disbelief bu

"And what about you? We haven't seen you in a while! It's been, what, at least a year?" my dentist shrieked last Thursday after I brought in my 10-year-old for a routine cleaning. I found this only slightly less irritating than dealing with an impacted wisdom tooth because first, no one wants to be dental-shamed, second, I was last there in late June of 2017 (not the mid-1980s as she seemed to be implying), and, third, piggybacking on my last point, I haven't been in because I lost my dental coverage when I lost my job last June. Clearly, it's not like I walked out of her office that sunny summer day, threw my toothbrush in the gutter, laughed maniacally, and turned my back on oral care, vowing never to brush or floss again. So, needless to say, I found her behavior off-putting. Now, you're probably thinking, "Liz, you're over-reacting. Surely this woman isn't a mindreader, how could she possibly know you were out of work (again!) and s

Rather than return to the grind of a full-time gig, I've been doing a lot of freelance work  instead. (What with being laid off in 2014 and 2017 , that's one roller coaster I wasn't up for boarding again so soon.) While initially I was delighted by the work-from-home, make-your-own-hours freedom of this career choice, as I'm approaching a year of it, it's definitely a mixed bag – one that's filled with its share of benefits and shortcomings. Topping my list of lesser-known perks is the opportunity to sing along to the most depressing Aimee Mann tunes without colleagues suggesting I get myself some Abilify®. Downsides you may not imagine include me stalking the mail carrier and muttering my daily mantra, "Where's my check?" (Yes, many publications roll old school and shun PayPal and direct deposit much to the dismay of my beleaguered postal worker.) Some facets of the freelance lifestyle actually fall into both categories. Exhibit A: I