WTF Is Up With All These Acronyms?

During my recent search for a new career, I've noticed a trend towards AOA. That's short for an "abundance of acronyms" dominating job descriptions.

Now I'm already lacking confidence entering the fray, what with me being in my 40s and having an irrational fear of Pinterest, what I don't need is to not even be able to understand what it is a potential employer would like me to know. English is my first language. In fact, it's my only language (unless you count the Pig Latin I'm perfecting in the afternoons with my children) so that's another problem.

But as I peruse these openings, I'm finding them harder to understand than Puff Daddy. I feel like they're written in code only Mensa members and "Jeopardy" champions are privy to. I'll be honest, I've had to Google CRM  (Customer Relationship Management), MRM (Marketing Resource Management), MCCM (Multi-Channel Campaign Management) and AWBOOSIDU (A Whole Bunch of Other Sh!t I Don't Understand).

More than a decade ago when I toiled as an energy reporter, the company decided to grace us with a new manager. He wasn't "one of us." He'd never been a writer nor did he know anything about the energy markets. (He mistakenly believed the Electricity Grid was where we went for happy hour and he thought Henry Hub was a guy who worked in the mailroom.)

But what he told us, in all his corporate earnestness, was that he was brought on to "create synergies and generate efficiencies." Say what? Well, now I'm waxing nostalgic for that man, whom I affectionately referred to as Teen Wolf because of his superfluous facial hair, and all his MBA jargon.

I'm also reminiscing about the days when Excel was the only thing I had to pretend to know. How does one keep all these initials straight during an interview?

Though I've only been looking for just about a month, I have to ask, did Corporate America invent a completely new lexicon while I was Keeping Up With the Kardashians? Also, if I don't figure it all out ASAP does that mean I'm SOL?


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